|
07/05/11 - Economicals 211 a/o, John
Fisher 216-4
Just like every season, the Comics opened with a loss to
John Fisher, but this was a better performance than we
usually start with, and indeed but for the early season rust
it could well have been a victory. The Comics were
resplendent in matching kit for the new season, courtesy of
their new Joshila shirts and caps, hand-stitched by Osama
Bin Laden and his wives in their hideout in what would be
his last meaningful contribution before going off to meet
the promised virgins. But at Berrylands you could still see
a deranged tyrant alongside the sexually inexperienced, as Coops
and Phil strode out to bat, having been happily inserted. A wobbly start ensued as the
ball was doing a bit in the air and off the pitch. Coops
survived a couple of half-chances while Squeagle played and
missed over and over again, yet both somehow survived and
began to get on top. Coops crashed it all round the ground,
while all Squeagle's action was happening behind him, as
usual , and the stand had reached 138 before he fell for 35.
From there the wheels came off. A tired Coops holed out for
85, before disappearing to the football pitch to notch a
hat-trick. With Tofty now in charge the rest of the team
dropped like a Cumbrian taxi rank on its tea break (hi Alan)
and the Comics could only reach 211, which was never likely
to be enough against John Fisher's strong line-up.
That being said, if the Comics had been sharp in the
field, the result could have been very different. Phil
dropped the first catch, an absolute sitter which slipped
out of his grasp due to Jennifer Lopez's lipstick, and it
didn't get much better. Mohit dropped an easy one, Healy and
Veitch tough chances, as did Fudge (fielding on his own on
the leg-side, so that no one else would have to listen to
his tiresome chat about battery lives). Roan had one of
those days, as he spilled four chances - possibly trying to
break his finger so that Beth couldn't get that ring on it -
and would thus end up drinking a rather disgusting bone. We
didn't bowl that badly, with Ani picking up a couple of
wickets on debut to distract attention away from his David
Brent antics in the field, but we simply have to catch
better to have any chance of winning games like this. At
least it meant an enormous Papa Johns order I guess.
| |
Player |
Score |
Overs |
Mdns |
Runs |
Wkts |
Ave |
Econ |
Ct |
Wk |
St |
|
1. |
Chris Cooper |
85 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2. |
Phil Lewis |
35 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
3. |
James Healy |
14 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
4. |
Roan Haarhoff |
9 |
6 |
0 |
34 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
5. |
Duncan Fudge |
16 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
6. |
Mohit Jagewat |
6 |
1 |
0 |
7 |
0 |
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
7. |
John Ficenec |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8. |
Archan Ghosh |
12 |
9 |
1 |
31 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
9. |
Mark Veitch |
2 |
9 |
0 |
50 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
10. |
Andrew Toft |
1 |
7 |
0 |
36 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
11. |
Ani Sourabh |
0* |
6.5 |
0 |
45 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
14/05/11 -
Old Royalists 245-8, Economicals 245-8A fantastic game at
Kingston University Sportsground ended with a last ball tie
as the Comics battled hard twice from seemingly hopeless
situations to come away with a share of the points. Coops
won the toss and inserted the highly touted Sri Lankans into
bat with the hope that rain might come into play to make the
job easier. The decision looked a good one as Roan struck
with his first ball courtesy of a catch by Tubby Phillips
behind the stumps (resplendent in new gear including pads
that he bought from a stormtrooper). However, it went
downhill quickly as Royalists put on 142 for the next wicket
at a rapid pace, with 280 looking on the cards. Steve Emsley
on debut broke the stand as one of his 20 full tosses was
smacked straight at Tofty, who did well to hold on - clearly
spending last winter catching balls fired at him by Asians
has improved his game (hi Alan). With Steve and Tofty
keeping things relatively tight with 18 overs of slow
bowling (I cannot bring myself to write 'spin' for Steve),
the run rate dropped sharply. Archie bowled well again with
no luck at all, and Ani recovered well from a horror first
spell and by the end a gettable 246 was the target.
Well, it was gettable, but Royalists' opening pair jagged
the ball around sharply and it was tough going. This was a
day when luck was needed, but instead the prolific opening
pair of Coops and P-Lew suffered a double-barrelled shotgun
triggering from one of the new league umpires, who we pay
good money for (hi Chairman Paul). Phil had never seen a
finger go up this quick, but usually that occurs behind him.
Some constructive criticism was called for, and it came as
usual from Healy. While asking for a guard. And if that
guard was middle and leg, the response was "which one do you
want first?" Or if it was two, it was "two what?" If only
everyone knew the game as well as Josh, aka Mr Cricket.
Following his usual display in the field of boundary
urination and wandering behind square to give away a no
ball, he watched as Healy, Brad and Mo fell for ducks,
before setting about the Royalists. A ridiculous display of
hitting ensued, with the ball disappearing to all parts,
including five huge sixes. He and Roan put on 106, with Roan
making just 20. From there everyone chipped in, and even
though Josh fell for a terrific 122, the tempo was perfect
and the running between the wickets excellent. Steve
couldn't hit it off the square but ran his socks off,
showing the impressive physique that Roan had so lustily
noted at nets. It's a bad sign when the Weapon, about to
hobble down the aisle in a few months, and supposedly
reining in the devastation he causes, turns bi instead (hi
Beth). Well a bad sign for everyone except Phil. Tofty used
his leg shovel to fine effect and then Archie returned to
his old ball-striking ways to keep it on a knife edge. 11 to
win off the last over became three off the last ball. Archie
again made good contact and an easy two meant a tie.
Royalists looked the more disappointed at this, while Archie
was all smiles for a change, but the Comics' battling show
and Josh's fireworks certainly merited some reward.
And so all that was left was the return to Berrylands for
Papa Johns, Eurovision and the annual edition of "The
Comics' Stupidest Man". Ani put in an early marker when
asking of Jedward, "are they twins?" Roan made his pitch
with "Romana, that's not a country. Oh Romania". But
there can only be one winner of this award, the same as
every year. The phone rang and it was Josh, on a bus in
Peckham asking how much longer we'd be at Berrylands as he
was thinking of coming back the 15 miles to get there.
Imagine how far the ball would go if it came off
Snaggletooth's thick wooden head.
| |
Player |
Score |
Overs |
Mdns |
Runs |
Wkts |
Ave |
Econ |
Ct |
Wk |
St |
|
1. |
Chris Cooper |
8 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2. |
Phil Lewis |
4 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
3. |
Josh Cockburn |
122 |
4 |
0 |
23 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
4. |
James Healy |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
5. |
Brad Phillips |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
6. |
Mohit Jagewat |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7. |
Roan Haarhoff |
20 |
9 |
0 |
47 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
8. |
Steve Emsley |
16* |
9 |
0 |
44 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
9. |
Andrew Toft |
28 |
9 |
1 |
39 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
|
|
|
10. |
Archan Ghosh |
21* |
9 |
1 |
37 |
0 |
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
11. |
Ani Sourabh |
|
5 |
0 |
40 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
21/05/11 -
Whyteleafe 220-6, Economicals 119Oh dear - less said
about this one the better, as the Comics crumbled to a hefty
defeat in what was a very winnable game, even without a few
key men. Coops won the toss and bowled, but the bowling was
rather feeble, with not much back-bending going on, as
Whyteleafe put on an untroubled 98 for the first wicket.
Susi made the breakthrough on his debut, and he and the
other newbie Gihan put the brakes on with some accurate
bowling, backed up by a better fielding performance than in
previous weeks, with Mo looking sharp again and Steve and
Phil covering lots of ground in the outfield. Whyteleafe
became bogged down as Tofty also bowled well, and even some
big hitting at the death they could only reach 220, which
was very gettable on a flat pitch and quick outfield.
However, with a pretty weak batting line-up it was always
going to be tough. Coops and Phil cruised to 68-0 against a
bowling attack that was accurate but certainly not
threatening. However, the fall of the squeaky one led to the
standard Comics collapse, with four wickets falling for six
runs and ten for 51. Brad made another globe and no one made
double figures, which was an appalling effort on the
surface. Whyteleafe's keeper took six catches, and there
were nine catches in all as most batsmen failed to find the
middle of the bat and generally played with little purpose -
just prodding around is never going to achieve anything. If
the world had ended at 6pm as promised by some American
nut-job, cricket would have been the winner.
| |
Player |
Score |
Overs |
Mdns |
Runs |
Wkts |
Ave |
Econ |
Ct |
Wk |
St |
|
1. |
Chris Cooper |
45 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
2. |
Phil Lewis |
18 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
3. |
Brad Phillips |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
2 |
|
|
|
4. |
Steve Emsley |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
5. |
Mohit Jagewat |
8 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
6. |
Craig Hughes |
7 |
7 |
0 |
37 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
7. |
Archan Ghosh |
2 |
9 |
1 |
37 |
0 |
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
8. |
Andrew Toft |
8 |
7 |
2 |
37 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
9. |
Susanka Rathnayaka |
4 |
7 |
1 |
35 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
10. |
Ani Sourabh |
0 |
6 |
0 |
38 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
11. |
Gihan Premachandra |
4* |
9 |
0 |
31 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
28/05/11 - Surrey Seamers 281-6, Economicals
146An eventful day and another defeat. Surrey Seamers are
a very strong side this year, and had way too many weapons
for us. They chose to bat but Archie and Veitch bowled
really well early on and took a wicket each while keeping it
tight. Oats' (lack of) pace forced a couple of batsmen to
play on and at 90-4 we were going well. However, with Jay
and the slimmed-down and suddenly destructive Keisha at the
crease we had a long way to go, and they settled in before
accelerating rapidly to turn the game on its head. Some
massive hitting at the end, including a broken window, took
the score to 281. Josh was left bemused by the window
incident, unable to work out how the ball bounced back. So
add double glazing and gravity to the list of things Josh
doesn't understand, which previously included Islam, flying
tin ships and bladder control. Brother Saul on debut,
advertised by marketing man Josh as "he's just like me" as
though that would be a good thing, is clearly the brains of
the family, though my money would be on Brad II to beat him
in a quiz. Jabba Veitch ended with great figures but
couldn't finish his spell after tweaking a hamstring after
breaking into a jog. Or as he diagnosed it, "Mmmm hammmmm".
Batting was the usual misadventure. Tubby finally pulled
his finger out to get off the mark but made just 6, while
Coops was again perhaps harshly adjudged LBW. Josh started
quickly but was shockingly outthought with a slower ball,
and then only Roan offered substantial resistance. Others
stuck at it and chipped in but again there were too many
single figure scores, admittedly in the face of a very
strong bowling attack. Indeed Surrey Seamers looked a
fantastic team, but they let themselves down with a shocking
lack of sportsmanship, which twice led to players needing to
be kept apart and the umpire warning them about their
appealing and their chirping. Now we have a couple of
players who won't back down, but at the end of the day a
team winning easily and in the face of absolutely no
provocation really ought to be able to win with some
dignity. We know we are shit and it doesn't really need
saying, especially from a team that doesn't even have a
ground!
The most unsavoury part of the game was still to come
though, as in the aftermath of the game it turned out that
it was all our fault and those paragons of virtue had said
or done nothing. Apparently trying to con umpires with
excessive and ridiculous appealing when something is clearly
not out, constantly chirping including swearing at the
batsmen, claiming catches that don't
carry, repeatedly giving batsmen the send-off, giving a
batsman a barrage when he walks into bat (almost causing a
fight), then next ball bowling an 'accidental' head-high
beamer followed by a bouncer is all "part of the game",
while Josh saying "I hope you get 200 because I'd like to
have a change to get a score" is sledging. I'm not sure this
is a game I recognise, and it's time something was done
about the serial offenders in this league.
That's not to say there wasn't levity, mainly courtesy of
new favourite umpire Renato "the seven dwarfs in one"
Phillip. Tardy (turned up late), Sneezy (a massive sneeze
just as Oats bowled at his end, leading to a slow full toss
that disappeared for four), Greedy (eating cake at square
leg post-tea), Sleepy (snoring in a chair during the
Champions League final he'd spent all day going on about)
and Greedy again (wolfing down all our pizza). He wanted
Dopey but Josh had already taken it. A top man, even if he
did give me out. I'm already looking forward to the BBQ
eating contest between "The Dark Destroyer of Food" and
"Sausages" Goldsmith.
| |
Player |
Score |
Overs |
Mdns |
Runs |
Wkts |
Ave |
Econ |
Ct |
Wk |
St |
|
1. |
Chris Cooper |
17 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2. |
Brad Phillips |
6 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
3. |
Josh Cockburn |
17 |
2 |
0 |
18 |
0 |
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
4. |
Roan Haarhoff |
25 |
9 |
0 |
75 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
5. |
Mohit Jagewat |
4 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
6. |
Saul Cockburn |
6 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7. |
Paul Lawrence |
7 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
8. |
Mark Veitch |
16 |
7 |
3 |
19 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
9. |
Archan Ghosh |
7 |
9 |
0 |
48 |
1 |
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
10. |
Andrew Toft |
11* |
9 |
0 |
60 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
11. |
Craig Hughes |
4 |
9 |
0 |
56 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
04/06/11 - Clapham OX 150, Economicals 154-2
Finally the Comics got a win on the board at the fifth
attempt with a resounding victory over Clapham Old Xaverians.
There was some pre-match comedy as the skippers and umpires
worked out which cabbage patch to play on, eventually
plumping for a wicket that was apparently only 20 yards
long! As it turned out it was a really good batting surface
though, which Coops and Josh would later have some fun on.
Clapham won the toss and chose to bat, and though Archie
took an early wicket he was very wayward and Clapham were
rattling along, helped by short boundaries and a very bumpy
outfield. Healy - in his last game due to either a Singapore
relocation or a disciplinary - took the precaution of
spreading his ample frame on the boundary to field one ball,
only for it to roll past him ten yards away. Of course it
was not his fault, and the Comics will miss his catchphrase
of "what?" with a shrug as another hopeless misfield ensues.
Gihan and Roan also had some howlers in the field, but Healy
ruled supreme.
Runs were flowing but Roan kept one end very tight and then
like against Whyteleafe Gihan and Sussi put the brakes on
with some canny bowling. Sussi bowled one bat with his magic
ball and then removed a danger man with the help of a sharp
catch by Mo, who had an excellent day in the field - the ball was travelling and I imagine it would
have turned his hands purple. On came Tofty, fresh from
winning
Britain's next top model (hi Alan), who quickly grabbed
three wickets of varying quality. Archie and Gihan polished
off the tail and 150 was a very gettable target. If you want
to read more about Gihan's cricketing career, you can find
it
here. Impressive stuff. And to see Phil's past exploits,
go here.
The early stages were very eventful, as Clapham, clearly
infuriated by the Comics overtaking their reputation, were
fired up and their quicky was whizzing it past the bat. He
destroyed Phil and Healy's stumps but runs were also
flowing, and when Josh joined Coops the ball started flying
to all parts. Coops ended on 72 and Josh missed the chance
of a 50 because he thought he was "only on about 20", the
thick twat.
With the early finish the Comics and Clapham had a good
drink and no broken bottles were required. Healy and Damien
from Clapham had a 'fat off', which I think neither won, and
along similar lines Roan was heard commenting to Brad about
his own expanding waistline, which is like asking Ian
Huntley for babysitting tips. It will only get worse big
fella, as trust me once you're married even the nymphos go on strike
(hi Beth), and also Cambridge doesn't have a Grand.
And Phil disappeared into thin air. If seen, please could
you return him to The Eagle pub, Stockwell.
| |
Player |
Score |
Overs |
Mdns |
Runs |
Wkts |
Ave |
Econ |
Ct |
Wk |
St |
|
1. |
Chris Cooper |
72* |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2. |
Phil Lewis |
6 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
3. |
James Healy |
20 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
4. |
Josh Cockburn |
44* |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
5. |
Mohit Jagewat |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
2 |
|
|
|
6. |
Brad Phillips |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
7. |
Roan Haarhoff |
|
9 |
1 |
23 |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
8. |
Andrew Toft |
|
9 |
1 |
33 |
3 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
9. |
Archan Ghosh |
|
5.3 |
1 |
37 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
10. |
Susanka Rathnayaka |
|
9 |
3 |
17 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
11. |
Gihan Premachandra |
|
8 |
2 |
31 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
11/06/11 - No game
18/06/11 -
Rained Off
25/06/11 -
Old Thorntonians 262-7, Economicals 180
After two weeks off following the win over Clapham, the
Comics returned to losing ways against the usually strong
Old Thorntonians side, but the margin of victory belied a
battling performance, especially in the field. Archie bowled
a brilliant opening spell with little luck, and the rest of
the bowlers stuck at it manfully on a flat pitch against
some very good players. The fielding was at times brilliant,
with Mo and debutant Phill making cracking stops and Archie
and Steve taking good catches, with Archie's being a
highlight reel job. There were some wobbly moments of
course, but any misfields could possibly be blamed on the
scorched turf from Archie sprinting around - with him in the
100 metres and Mo in the
weightlifting India are expecting a golden Commonwealth
games haul in 2014. And Paul's missed stumping could be
blamed on many things - the bus that was taking him from
where he took the ball to the stumps was late, and he was
slowed down by his electronic tag. The Comics kept a lid on
things for the most part but some lusty blows at the death
from Hashmat meant that Thorns finished on 262.
With Phil away doing a day shift at the Eagle, it was tough
to find a replacement opener - it's not easy to find another
ginger gawky type with no fromage chat who can't get it off
the square (hi Alan), but Tofty outlasted both Coops and
Josh, who fell to poor strokes. Josh had looked in imposing
form, and with his dismissal went any hopes of victory,
although Steve and Straussy grafted hard and Archie smashed
it around at the end. To be fair to the batsmen, it was
difficult to concentrate once Mo's Dutch girls turned up to
watch. Bigger than Hashmat, they reminded all of the low
country, as they were built like barges and you'd only put
your finger in to save a village from flooding. I probably
still would though, and Mo was all over them like a cheap
suit. Better than nothing I guess, and we'd not seen racks
like that since Veitch got injured.
And so it was on to Healy's leaving do in Clapham, to see
the few people left in London he's not offended. There was a
rare Fudge sighting, plus Shenners wearing a cravat from
Lady Gaga's meat suit. And continuing the theme of 'Ladies
Day' (though Mo's harem could have been trannies), Josh
brought along a girl. Whether or not he got to raise his bat
we do not yet know, but it would have taken a good effort
after Coops scuffed up the pitch while doing some Tofty-style
blocking. The smart money is on him not seeing it through to
completion, like the day's innings. And his tooth.
| |
Player |
Score |
Overs |
Mdns |
Runs |
Wkts |
Ave |
Econ |
Ct |
Wk |
St |
|
1. |
Chris Cooper |
9 |
5 |
0 |
30 |
1 |
|
|
2 |
|
|
|
2. |
Andrew Toft |
17 |
6 |
0 |
47 |
1 |
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
3. |
Josh Cockburn |
43 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
4. |
Steve Emsley |
20 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
5. |
Mohit Jagewat |
3 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
6. |
Gareth Read |
16 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
7. |
Susanka Rathnayaka |
0 |
9 |
1 |
72 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
8. |
Gihan Premachandra |
0 |
9 |
0 |
43 |
2 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
9. |
Phill Taylor |
5* |
7 |
0 |
47 |
0 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
10. |
Archan Ghosh |
32 |
9 |
1 |
19 |
1 |
|
|
1 |
|
|
|
11. |
Paul Lawrence |
1 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
1 |
|
|
|