ECONOMICALS CRICKET CLUB

1st XI

Click on the date for a match report.

DATE	TIME	VENUE	AGAINST	RESULT	PERFORMANCES
10/05/08		Home	Sheen Park	Lost	Coops 53, Veitch 2-37
17/05/08		Away	John Fisher	Off
24/05/08		Home	Surrey Seamers	Lost	Veitch 25, Coops 20 Tofty 5-25, Veitch 2-56
31/05/08		Home	Old Thorn's	Won	Coops 96*, Gareth 48 Veitch 4-35, Will 2-15
07/06/08		Away	Old Thorn's 'A'	Won	Veitch 27, Healy 26 Tom 3-25, Will 2-25, Macca 2-28
14/06/08		Away	Rising Star	Lost	Ian 4-32, Tofty 2-50
21/06/08		Home	Putney	Won	Josh 103*, Healy 37, Roan 22 Veitch 3-64, Will 2-70
28/06/08		Away	Abahani	Lost	Brad II 43, Coops 37, Fudge 23 Louis 4-33, Veitch 3-53, Roan 2-57
05/07/08		Home	Wandsworth	Lost	Arvind 41, Justin 3-63, Brad 2-54
12/07/08		Away	Sheen Park	Lost	Coops 92, Veitch 36, Arvind 27 Veitch 2-50, Justin 2-62
19/07/08		Away	Surrey Seamers	Won	Coops 111, Ahmad 35, Veitch 22 Jacques 4-66. Roan 3-25
26/07/08		Home	John Fisher	Lost	Arvind 30, Justin 4-54, Oats 3-48
02/08/08		Away	Old Thorn's	Lost	Arvind 43, Healy 21, Will 2-29
09/08/08		Home	Rising Star	Rained Off
16/08/08		Home	Old Thorns 'A'	Lost	Arvind 95, Macca 3-44, Dodson 2-34, Will 2-50
23/08/08		Home	Abahani	Lost	Move along, nothing to see here
30/08/08		Away	Putney	Lost	Jacques 27, Ratboy 5 catches Veitch 4-34, Macca 3-40, Toft 2-19
06/09/08		Away	Wandsworth	Rained Off

10/05/08 - Economicals 126 Sheen Park 127-4

The Comics return to the top flight ended in shabby defeat, and Coops' preseason 'Derby County' prediction will surely come true unless some better line-ups/performances are produced. Admittedly we had a scratch side, with four debutants, including three roped in 48 hours before the start from the cesspool of Morgan Stanley (imagine if Gumtree opened a bank), but at 81-0 off 17 overs, and Sheen Park's bowling attack truthfully no better than the top attacks last year, this was a game that could and perhaps should have been won. However, the ball was swinging and doing a bit off the pitch, and the Sheen seamers gave very little away and made scoring difficult. Once Coops fell for a streaky 50, the rot set in. Wickets fell at regular intervals and only Tofty valued his wicket and had a plan. Too many injudicious early shots made it easy for the opponents to run through the middle and lower order. There is clearly a greater consistency of bowling and fielding in the premier league and we will need greater application in future. Brief cameos are no use (especially if you run someone else out too, Macca).

Sheen made short work of the small total. Roan and Macca bowled well but the fielding - Rob apart - was lethargic, with Healy shelling a simple catch and our run out purely down to Sheen's recreation of the Roan/William meat crash of last season. It seemed as though a score of 200 may have been enough to win, but realistically we were well beaten. In future our quality players will need to step up and take more responsibility, while greater enthusiasm and agility in the field all round is a must if we are to avoid a season of hefty defeats.

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C. Cooper	53
2.	N. Hofmeyr	12
3.	N. Mahendran	0
4.	M. Todkill	2
5.	J. McDonnell	17	5	2	13	0	-	2.6
6.	R. Haarhoff	4	7	1	36	1	36	5.14
7.	M. Veitch	2	6.2	0	37	2	18.5	5.97
8.	R. Dunster	4							1
9.	A. Toft	7*	3	1	9	0	-	3
10.	J. Healy	3
11.	J. Kennell-Webb	0	4	0	32	0	-	8

17/05/08 - John Fisher A Economicals A

With the rain lashing down on the way to the ground which had fond memories for the Economicals faithful there was growing doubts over the match ahead. Oats and Tom duly arrived after a few wrong turnings safe in the knowledge that they would be first to arrive as Tofty and his crew would be held up after his trusty motor had conked out. With Coops away on house moving duty the batting line up looked slightly weaker than normal and with Jabba doing a rain dance in Watford it looked like the bowlers would be doing all the work. Roan and Veitch arrived with a female caged in the back of a van. No comment needed!!!

With the toss imminent, the rain did not look like it was about to give up there were only six players ready to rise for the battle. Macca and Justin were agreeing with the notion that Jabba should never don the crest of the mighty Berrylands-based team again as a call from Tofty's crew came in requesting a lift from the station. Word from the clubhouse suggested that the umpire was less than happy with the hay bales left on the outfield from the lawnmower in midweek, so the John Fisher team grabbed their rakes and set to the task of clearing the lush meadows surrounding the recently covered track.

With everyone at the ground it was a short while until the umpire called off the proceedings and Oats' short spell as captain remained undefeated. With that it was time to go home and reflect over a long journey whether Jabba would ever return from Watford ? What would happen to the caged girl ? Would the hay bales be cleared in time for John Fisher's game the next day ? Would Coops choose magnolia or champagne white to paint his living room ? And how would Morden have coped with this acidic substance that leads their season to dooooooooooooooom!?!? Hahahahahahahahahaha.

24/05/08 - Surrey Seamers 176, Economicals 100

Another loss for the Comics, and another game that could easily have been won. Playing the 2007 champs, you need all the help you can get, but the standard calamity of a gumtree no-show and a late arrival meant nine men in the field for the first 25 minutes and ten for the whole game. When Healy shelled an easy chance it looked like being one of those days, but Roan bowled a tight opening spell to make up for Veitch leaking runs at the other end and stop the Seamers getting away. Coops broke a decent stand and then it was the Tofty show. Keeping an impeccable line and length, and leaving Coops looking for the receipt so he could take the speed gun back, he bored the big bats of the oppo middle order into submission with a smorgasboard of tasty pies and richly deserved his five-wicket haul. The fielding was excellent, with Brad and Rob saving runs aplenty and Coops showing off the supergun to run out a big fella.

176 was very gettable on a typically good Berrylands deck, and at 50-1 with Coops and new boy Gareth going well the Comics were in charge. But as in the first game one wicket brought three and the game was up. Veitch smashed a quick 25 but then threw his wicket away - a microcosm of the structural problems for the Comics batting line-up, where talented players are not valuing their wicket and seem happy with 20. Rob provided the highlight, by questioning the umpire after being given out plumb LBW and then driving off in a huff in a cloud of burning rubber immediately afterwards. And to think I was almost part of that gene pool.

And so a winnable game became a comprehensive defeat. I blame Toft senior. Twice he has travelled the length of the country to see the great Coops bat, and twice he has cursed him and the team to fail. Mr Toft I know you read this. Is it not enough to inflict a ginger-haired boy on the world, why must you also torment me?

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	20	7	0	32	1	32	4.57	1
2.	D Fudge	0							1
3.	G Read	16							1
4.	B Falkenberg	0
5.	R Haarhoff	8	10	1	28	1	28	2.8	1
6.	M Veitch	25	8	0	56	2	28	7
7.	R Dunster	3
8.	J Healy	7*							2
9.	A Toft	0	9	1	25	5	5	2.77
10.	R Lamba	0	4	0	30	0	-	7.5
11.

31/05/08 - Old Thorntonians 228-7, Economicals 233-4

Victory! After two disappointing losses, the Comics got on the board in style versus perennial title contenders Old Thorntonians. It was a great toss to win on a soft Berrylands pitch, and Coops had no hesitation in bowling despite Macca and Justin taking the scenic route and being 40 minutes late. With the ball swinging prodigously and Veitch and new signing Will (or is it Neil, Veitch, you MONG?) making the batsmen play, it was very difficult and Thorns slumped to 17-5 and 43-6. Veitch grabbed four, including a crafty slower ball dismissal, and Will finished with 10-2-15-2. Brad I grabbed four catches behind the stumps and the Comics were in control. However, the Thorns skipper is the best bat in league history and showed it with an excellent hundred. The fielding - the excellent Brad II aka Joe Mangel excluded - fell apart, as nine catches went down overall. Coops dropped three fairly regulation ones and Will blotted his copybook by dropping a sitter. And so Thorntonians ended up with 228, breaking the league eighth wicket record in the process with an unbroken stand of 145.

The mood was subdued at the break but with the pitch now dry and the outfield having quickened up, all hope was not lost. Against some ridiculous swing, Coops and Brad flailed away but wides kept the scoreboard ticking. Brad fell but Coops got going and he and Gareth (forever to be known as baby Strauss) put on 150 and took the game away from Thorns. Gareth ran himself out just short of a deserved 50, having survived some awful Coops-style drops, but Coops ploughed on in determined fashion. With the traditional collapse avoided, the Comics ot up with 11 balls to spare with Veitch finishing things off with a big six to deny Coops a deserved hundred.

And yes it was a privilege for all present to see one of the league's all-time greats play an innings of top quality. Their chap did ok too.

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	96*
2.	B Phillips	6							4
3.	G Read	48
4.	J McDonnell	11	4	0	34	0	-	8.5
5.	B Falkenberg	8							1
6.	M Veitch	8*	10	2	35	4	8.75	3.5
7.	D Fudge
8.	R Haarhoff		10	0	64	1	64	6.4
9.	A Toft		8	0	48	0	-	6
10.	W Harrison		10	2	15	2	7.5	1.5
11.	J Hess		3	0	24	0	-	8

07/06/08 - Old Thorntonians 'A' 134 Economicals 137-9

The Comics squeaked home in an absolute nail-biter to complete the Thorntonians double. On a damp pitch that made batting hard, both teams tried their best to lose the game, but ultimately the Comics would come out on top in an extraordinary climax. The Thorns skipper surprisingly chose to bat first, and in Macca's traditional absence made early inroads with a wicket each for Will and Veitch. As usual his late entrance resulted in a good spell for the oppo, especially when our hapless hero came on to bowl and proceeded to go for about 15 off his first over. But Macca would eventually find his line and length, and with Tofty bowling with impeccable control the brakes were put on. The Thorns batsmen managed to throw their wickets away with a variety of increasingly bizarre shots, and Tom's off breaks picked up three late wickets to clean up the tail. More from him later.

134 was never going to be straight-forward, and the decision to bat first became clear as the ball stopped bouncing at one end. Coops fell early and the Comics became bogged down, with only three boundaries hit in the first 30 overs, despite the fast outfield. The pitch was Healy's dream, a chance to live out his Boycott fantasies. His turgid innings, 26 off maybe 1,000 balls in 32 overs, was an unattractive as him and as pointlessly time-consuming as his travel ramblings, but it did provide a platform for the big bats in the middle order to bring us home. Macca and Tofty increased the pace, and Veitch provided his usual lusty blows and classy strokes, but also his usual bottle job to fall with 13 to win and the last pair at the crease. But Tom can bat, and Ratboy is no stranger to these situations, and they chipped away with some close-run singles. Four to win off the last over at the dodgy end, Tom on strike...four times he swung and four times he missed or sent it one yard. The game looked up. The penultimate ball was short but sat up a bit. One big swing of the bat, a rustle of trees and the game was up. Tom had hit a 6 (or prawn crackers as his wife would call it).

Scenes of jubilation followed, with the Comics invading the pitch West Indies style to mob the heroic last pair before reverting to Woodies to drink the night away. Macca took time away from his meeting with the mini-driving sex-case club of Britain, who were also meeting there, and brought a bucket of chicken to apologise for his perennial lateness. Very apt, what with Macca himself being a KFC*. And so the Comics moved to .500. This was not a perfect performance...the catching was good, but the ground fielding could be better and we need to show more intent when chasing small totals. The running between the wickets was dreadful again and needs to be worked on. In tight games every run counts and we can't afford to turn down singles. Yes there are mitigating circumstances - Healy struggles with balance due to his Mascot head, Ratboy is 70 and built like a weeble, and Will is a llama - and not just any old llama, but the one who got picked last for PE at the Queensland school for even-toed ungulates. But we must work on this.

*It's now time for Healy explains, a new feature where Healy explains the gags in case you are unable to grasp the subtle humour. Over to you James.

"Thanks Coops. KFC is not just the name of a Chicken franchise, it's also another name for Macca. The missing letters of course being iwi ucking unt. To read more words from me, go to my blog at www.tediouswritingsofaposhholidaymaker.com."

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	6
2.	J Healy	26							1
3.	G Read	10
4.	N Mahendran	2							1
5.	D Fudge	6							1
6.	J McDonnell	10	7	1	28	2	14	4
7.	M Veitch	27	9	1	33	2	16.5	3.66	1
8.	A Toft	10	7	1	22	1	22	3.14
9.	W Harrison	5	10	5	25	2	12.5	2.5	1
10.	T Scott	11*	4.5	0	25	3	8.33	5.1	1
11.	P Lawrence	3*							1

14/06/08 - Rising Star 234-9 Economicals 193

A disappointing defeat to end the two game winning streak. This truly was a bizarre game, containing big hitting, collapses, about 60 wides, corned beef and chilli sandwiches, parking tickets and the noisiest crowd you'll ever hear. It was also another game the Comics could easily have won. When Justin completed his rehabilitation by bowling the oppo opener at the end of a tight opening spell to make it 50-2, the Comics looked well set. But in walked the reincarnation of Viv Richards who proceeded to add 40 to the score in about four overs. The returning Dodson came in for some punishment early on but zipped one thru King Viv's defences and the game turned on its head. Tofty took two in an over and Ian grabbed another and it was suddenly 100-6. This became 120-7 and 140-8, but the wheels came off with ball and in the field and Rising Star would end on 234-9, with the man who stole Carl Greenidge's shirt making a roller-coaster 83*, having survived a stumping chance early on.

When Coops fell in the first over the game that had been in control two hours earlier was virtually gone. But Rising Star gave up a bucket load of extras to keep the Comics in the hunt. Sadly many got starts and played well, but no one reached 20 and the game fizzled out into an ultimately comfortable win for the home side. One decent score from the top order would probably have seen us go close, and almost batting out the overs was a creditable showing, particularly in the face of Viv's prediction that we wouldn't last 30 overs.

So not for the first time a case of what might have been. Five games this season and we were indisputably in a winning position in all of them. Too many times we let positions slip, through sluggish or dreadful fielding, awful bowling, batting collapses and, twice in this game, simple lack of attention in the field. If we can eradicate these somewhat we can start winning again, but we need to improve, and fast.

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	9	1	0	10	0	-	10	2
2.	J McDonnell	18
3.	G Read	19
4.	A Butt	7
5.	R Page	17
6.	I Dodson	15	10	4	32	4	8	3.2
7.	M Jani	14	5	0	48	1	48	9.6
8.	A Toft	16	9	0	50	2	25	5.0	1
9.	P Lawrence	7
10.	J Hess	5	10	1	47	1	47	4.7	1
11.	C Hughes	1*	10	0	40	1	40	4.0

21/06/08 - Putney 253-8, Economicals 255-8

The Comics returned to winning ways with a thrilling victory over Putney, due to a stunning innings from debutant Josh. Victory looked anything but certain at the halfway point, but again the Comics showed that big scores can be chased down at Berrylands. Putney chose to bat and got off to a flyer as Will and Veitch were a bit flat. Roan bowled an excellent spell and Tofty (or Topsy as Josh calls him, or Toffee as my wife calls him, and no, not in bed before you ask) kept it tight at the other end as the Comics fought back. Two in two balls came due to an excellent run-out from Josh and Roan getting a deserved wicket, but once again the Comics let the opportunity slip as Josh dropped a chance and we were made to pay big-style. Once again the fielding slipped a couple of levels and the bowlers failed to regain control, and Putney rattled along. 270+ looked on, but Veitch and Coops ensured that only a handful of runs came from the last three overs, which would ultimately prove crucial.

Still, 253 was a challenging target, and looked out of reach when Coops fell early for the third week running. Healy and Straussy survived a barrage of hostile bowling to provide a decent platform for the middle-order slap squad to make hay, but while Josh's innings contained plenty of violence - including a memorable hooked six onto the balcony - it was also virtually chanceless. The rate hit eight an over, but Fudge and Roan chipped in in support and soon the Comics were in the box seat. Roan, Veitch and Will would sell their wickets cheaply though, to again leave the game in the balance. But all the while Josh was in we looked favourites, and Tofty again provided useful support. Eight to win off the last over became three off two, and Josh off strike. But this was a good thing, as it meant Tom 'Bevan' Scott was there to bring it home again. "The Closer" stuck his first ball through third man and scenes of jubilation ensued. He didn't buy KFC though, despite being an over late. Poor form.

And so the beers flowed again as the Comics celebrated another great win over a side who are much better than their league position. Still, we are merely papering over the cracks and must improve in every aspect of the game if we are to maintain the promising start.

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	6	3	0	18	1	18	6.0
2.	J Healy	37
3.	G Read	21
4.	J Cockburn	103*
5.	D Fudge	11							1
6.	R Haarhoff	22	10	0	30	1	30	3.0
7.	M Veitch	5	10	0	64	3	21.3	6.4
8.	W Harrison	1	10	0	70	2	35	7.0	1
9.	A Toft	10	10	2	46	0	-	4.6
10.	T Scott	4*	2	0	20	0	-	10.0	2
11.	P Lawrence								1

28/06/08 - Abahani 219 Economicals 154

The Comics predictably went down to defeat against table-topping Abahani, but this was another game that could feasibly have been won. Abahani chose to bat on a slow, flat track, but amid a flurry of early boundaries Veitch removed both openers. Coops soon realised that it's easier to hide Anne Frank than Fudge, as our hapless hero did a commando roll over a slow-rolling ball to give away a hilarious boundary. Abahani were going well tho, but Louis bowled fast and straight on debut and was rewarded with a couple of wickets in his opening spell. With Roan joining the party, Abahani were suddenly 100-5 just after drinks. However, as is customary in the top flight, the next pair were as good as the top order and the ball flew to all parts again. 250+ was on the cards, but Louis got two in two balls and Roan's run out meant a very gettable 219 to chase.

For once the Comics got a good start as Coops showed signs of coming out of his slump. Fudge shattered his personal best with a streaky innings of flaying and missing and edging. An opening stand of 67 should have been a platform for victory, but both openers fell in successive overs. Only Brad II was able to make further impression, combining powerful strokeplay, dazzling footwork, goofy grins and incomprehensible humour. It's a safe bet to say the Roos don't die with a smile on their faces. The much vaunted middle order gave very little, and in the end it was a gritty partnership from Tom and Ratboy that scarmbled us over the line to get a fourth batting point.

To be fair, Abahani are an excellent side, with deep batting and special teams aka a baby-sitting unit. They had five very good bowlers, so there were mitigating circumstances for the disappointing batting effort. And there were positives in Louis' bowling and Brad II's batting, which make our survival chances look a bit better, even in defeat.

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	37							2
2.	D Fudge	23
3.	G Read	9
4.	B Falkenberg	43							1
5.	R Page	2
6.	R Haarhoff	2	10	0	57	2	28.5	5.7	1
7.	M Veitch	6	10	1	53	3	17.6	5.3
8.	L Mitchell	0	8	0	33	4	8.25	4.12
9.	T Scott	8	2	0	20	0	-	10.0
10.	P Lawrence	7*
11.	C Hughes	0	9.5	0	53	0	-	5.4

05/07/08 - Wandsworth 326-6, Economicals 118-9

A massacre. No other way to describe it. Wandsworth are a good batting side, and this is not the first time they've made 300, but again the fielding was a bit ropey. We didn't bowl terribly - Justin and Brad picked up five wickets between them - but we simply didn't have the artillery.

The usual collapse followed. Arvind impressed on debut, smashing the fearsome Hashmat for four boundaries in a row, but too many people failed to contributed and the Comics succumbed meekly. Coops attempt to hide at number five didn't pay off, but at least he didn't make a mess of Justin's pants.

And that's it, not much else to say, and nothing else amusing happened....oh wait I forgot about Team Fudge's inspirational leader, Yoda Fudge, aka Stewie Griffin, aka Coops' older, uglier brother. Our hero managed to throw in one of his patented 'Marble Arch' dives to give up an easy boundary, but he was not done yet. A routine skier straight down his throat ended up dislocating one of the sausages he calls fingers. Healy turned down the opportunity to snap it back, so it was time to call the Flying Doctors. Brad II has many talents - batting, bowling, keeping, raping kangaroos, abusing opponents - and sure enough he was able to snap it back. Fudge heroically proceeded to faint, much like Del Boy in the bar, leading to much concern from the worried Wandsworth side. They rushed on to help, taking care to leap over the 10 Economicals who were collapsed on the floor, crying with laughter. Fudge didn't bat, and we missed a batting point by two runs, so no damage was done. It's 10.30pm and I'm still laughing.

Monday night update: Coops and Macca still laughing.

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	A Vanthavasi	41							1
2.	J Healy	17	1	0	18	0	-	18.0	2
3.	G Read	10
4.	B Falkenberg	0	9	0	54	2	27	6.0
5.	C Cooper	1	4	0	24	1	24	6.0
6.	J McDonnell	7	10	0	58	0	-	5.8
7.	R Page	18*	8	0	67	0	-	8.38
8.	P Lawrence	5							1
9.	J Hess	3	10	1	63	3	21	6.3	1
10.	R Lamba	5	3	0	30	0	-	10.0
11.	D Fudge

12/07/08 - Sheen Park 258-5 Economicals 212

Words almost fail me. One of the worst teams in Economicals history, we were terrible, and still we should have won. Where to begin. On winning a toss and bowling on a soaking wet track, you expect a bit more from your only two recognised regular bowlers, but Veitch and Justin wasted the new ball and Sheen got off to a flyer. The fielding was atrocious, as Ratboy and Navin each dropped sitters off the openers in the first eight overs. They would go on to score 165 between them. Meanwhile others were lacklustre, not giving 100% in the field, and a fairly average Sheen Park side were able to get 258. Veitch and Justin came back well, but it comes to something when Coops is the bowler the batsmen respect most.

Despite only having a few guys who could bat, the Comics were still in control. Coops and Arvind put on 50, and then Coops and Veitch were cruising with seven wickets left and only 80 odd needed off 20 overs. But Veitch is a mong (witness his contribution to Sheen Park getting seven, I repeat, seven, off one ball), and threw his wicket away, and when Coops fell for a classy 92 the game was up. This was a familiar batting story...only four guys in double figures. It was fitting that following a shower a rainbow was visible - for we had a team full of Bungles.

Imran deserves a special mention. A Friday Gumtree call-up, to be forever known as Imran Khant, he turned up at my house wearing Obelix's trousers and claiming to be a top-order batsman. His fielding was legendary - imagine BARRY crossed with Fudge, drunk. Seemingly wearing skiing boots, and running like on hot coals, he dropped one catch off me (Imran Khunt!), inexplicably failed to get a hand on another that was the simplest I have ever seen, and generally staggered around like a cow with BSE. He had elevated himself to the annals of Comics history alongside the likes of Andy Jones and Sumit before he picked up the bat. And it was a Sheen Park bat that he picked up, also stealing their gloves (which Veitch would later also wear). After maybe running twice, our intrepid hero complained of an irregular heartbeat and went off to sit down. He bravely went through the pain barrier at the death in enough time to run out Raman, and then offered to pay me the match fee "next time".

But this match was no laughing matter. Okay it was, and we roared with laughter in the £4 a pint pub for many hours afterwards (having sent Imran away with Navin, for my driving on the way back may have finished his weak ticker off). However, this was a winnable game, and we would have cruised to victory with just a couple more regular batsmen or bowlers (or maybe even fielders). Sheen Park played hard and gave it everything, and had 10-11 proper cricketers, but with no disrespect not many of their side would get into our full-strength team (not that this would ever happen). The availability is becoming a joke and players need to pull their fingers out and start committing - trying to play games in the top flight with a handful of regulars is just not realistic.

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	92	9	2	48	0	-	5.33
2.	A Vanthavasi	27	5	0	18	0	-	3.6
3.	I Haider	8*
4.	N Mahendran	3
5.	A Butt	0	3	0	25	0	-	8.33
6.	M Veitch	36	10	0	50	2	25	5.0
7.	M Warren	0
8.	P Lawrence	18
9.	J Hess	4	10	0	62	2	31	6.2
10.	T Julen	0
11.	R Sharma	0	8	1	46	0	-	5.75

19/07/08 - Surrey Seamers 207 Economicals 208-8

Victory! The Comics broke their three-game losing streak with a great team effort to defeat the 2007 champs Surrey Seamers. This was a true team effort, with all the bowlers chipping in and an outstanding effort in the field. Coops won the toss as usual and inserted as always. Seamers got off to a flier on a pitch that played better than it looks, as Veitch wasted the new ball for the second week running. Roan came on and their pinch-hitter launched another crushing blow, only for Brett - playing his first game since end-2005 - to take an astounding running catch. This set the tone for the day. Seamers smashed regular boundaries on the very small ground, but the Comics held almost everything. Paul, Roan and Tofty held outstanding catches, with Paul grabbing four and Brett three, and it meant the oppo were contained to 207. Roan took three wickets and bowled with excellent control, while Jacques took four on debut and bowled with good speed. Dodson kept it tight, and Tofty, refreshed from three weeks in Florida alongside some cartoon characters with mis-shapen heads (or the family as he calls them), nagged away and got a fat chap to choke on a pie.

Macca fell early in our reply - completing his 'Stars in Their Eyes, tonight Matthew I'm going to be Duncan Fudge' impression, including a Marble Arch special - but Coops and Ahmad set about knocking off the runs. Ahmad was a revelation, caressing the ball through point on a regular basis, while Coops confirmed his return to form with a mix of power and patience. Ahmad holed out, and Brett fell first ball, but Coops marched on. Jacques hung around before holing out and then Veitch and Coops got the board moving again. The game perhaps turned in a two-over period when both batsmen survived relatively routine chances, and Coops completed a cracking hundred with a six. The standard Comics wobble followed, and seven were needed off two overs with two wickets left. Tom Scott was not there to see us home, but luckily we had a stand-in big fat lump in the bloated, bloody shape of Roan, and the old war-horse clubbed a four past the bizarrely drawn-in field to seal the win.

Jubilant scenes followed, and another pub saw a rise in takings on jugs and crisps. This was the performance the Comics had been promising all season. We had depth in the bowling attack, a deep batting line-up and a solid fielding unit. Brett deserves special praise - he may have made 0 but saved plenty of runs in the field. Indeed, the result was decided in the field - while Seamers missed key chances, the Comics held tough ones when it counted. With a reasonable strength side, we can compete with every team in this division. One more win may see us safe, so hopefully this level of availability will continue. Though with the draconian new laws on driving while using a phone/drinking/having five in the back, Coops' days as a free man are surely numbered.

ps: did anyone pick up my blackberry?

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	111							1
2.	J McDonnell	2
3.	A Butt	35
4.	B Marett	0							3
5.	J Mostert	5	10	0	66	4	16.5	6.6
6.	M Veitch	22	6	0	40	1	40	6.66
7.	I Dodson	4	10	2	32	1	32	3.2
8.	R Haarhoff	8*	10	4	25	3	8.33	2.5	1
9.	P Lawrence	3							4
10.	A Toft	2*	5	2	16	1	16	3.2	1
11.	R Sharma

26/07/08 - John Fisher 245, Economicals 113

Talk about after the Lord Mayor's show. John Fisher are a top side but this was a shocking performance, with the Comics failing to do the basics. We didn't have a bad team out here, but looked out of our depth on the day. Only the catching and Rob's fielding were up to scratch. We bowled too many four balls and the ground fielding was lacklustre, allowing John Fisher too many easy runs. Justin and Oats fought back to keep the score gettable, picking up seven wickets between them. Coops and Arvind started well, but Arvind blemished another attractive cameo by running Coops out with a suicidal single. This set the tone for the batting performance. Two needless run-outs (plus a number of near-misses), and batsmen being embarrassingly cleaned up by their change bowlers. To only bat 23 overs on the flattest of pitches, when their opening bowlers took no wickets, is simply awful. Less said the better...

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	14
2.	A Vanthavasi	30
3.	A Butt	3							1
4.	J Mostert	5	2	0	16	0	-	8.0	1
5.	M Veitch	4	8	0	42	0	-	5.25
6.	R Haarhoff	10	6	0	49	1	49	8.16	1
7.	R Dunster	3
8.	A Toft	11*	6	0	32	1	32	5.33	1
9.	P Lawrence	9							4
10.	J Hess	0	10	0	54	4	13.5	5.4
11.	C Hughes	0	9.1	0	48	3	16	5.3

02/08/08 - Economicals 114, Old Thorntonians 118-4

Another batting flop led the Comics to a second defeat to leave them mired in a relegation dog-fight. As in the first game with OTs the toss was important, and for once Coops did not win it. He was gone in the first over, and the returning Straussy in the second, as Thorns bowled really well and caught everything. The team looked to the Boycott-esque Healy to shore things up at number 4, but he was still patrolling the streets of Raynes Park looking for a cashpoint so he could buy a bucket of chicken. By the time he arrived the Comics were 21-5, but Arvind was going well and he and Healy would put on 50 to give the card a degree of respectability. But Thorns' spin-twins kept the pressure on and the Comics would only make 114. Arvind top-scored with 43, looking classy again, and surely a big score is not far away.

Veitch took a wicket in the first over, and Will bowled a great line and length to pick up a couple of wickets as Thorns biffed their way towards the small total. Roan removed the star man Sajjad cheaply, but in the end they did it easily. This game was lost in the first 20 minutes, but at least we battled hard.

Macca's greatest achievement for the Comics (among a small choice) was instigating the chicken run for late-comers, and the Comics hit Woodies and feasted on a mega-bucket and hot-rods. The jury is out on whether this is cannibalism for Will. Watchign the test match, there was a curious sight of South Africans over-achieving with the bat. Will it catch on?

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	2
2.	A Vanthavasi	43
3.	G Read	0
4.	M Veitch	3	7	0	28	1	28	4.0
5.	R Haarhoff	1	4	0	19	1	19	4.75
6.	I Dodson	2	4	0	31	0	-	7.75
7.	J Healy	21							1
8.	N Mahendran	14	0.1	0	4	0	-	24!	1
9.	A Toft	2
10.	W Harrison	2*	6	0	29	2	14.5	4.83
11.	P Lawrence	6							1

09/08/08 - Economicals v Rising Star

No play due to rain, which was a shame as we had a pretty good team out and they turned up late with half a team, all stoned. Oh well. Straussy had a snooze while we watched the Olympics. The day wasn't all bad though, as Coops and Brad got to drive past a very wet long-haired Putney star waiting for a bus.

16/08/08 - Old Thorntonians 'A' 198-9, Economicals 193

An extremely disappointing defeat, which leaves the Comics deep in relegation trouble. In such a close game, any number of key moments were costly, and the Comics were simply not switched on enough to deserve a victory which should have been easy. Ultimately we did well to keep Thorns down to 198, but there were two costly drops by Paul and Fudge (though Fudge may not count it as a drop seeing as he got nothing on his sitter) and a number of misfields (Macca as usual showing himself to be the worst fielder in the league). The bowlers deserved better, giving little away and keeping good lines and length, with Will and Dodson particularly impressive and Macca bowling really well at the death.

Coops and Arvind got the reply off to a flyer. Arvind got a reprieve early on but Coops holed out early to continue his recent poor form. From then on Arvind crushed the bowling at one end while a succession of batsmen came and went. There were a couple of questionable decisions, but against a fairly ordinary bowling attack there was simply no excuse for the card you see below. The performance was summed up in a two-ball spell when Dodson ran out Arvind and then fell himself. Tofty and Will showed how it should be done and almost brought it home, but a rush of blood from Tofty sealed defeat.

All very annoying - people are turning up unprepared and giving the impression that they are not giving 100% in the field. Some of the batting averages this season are just appalling, and so much of what goes wrong is fundamental basics. Not muchh more to be said really...

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	17	10	1	39	1	39	3.9	1
2.	A Vanthavasi	95							2
3.	G Read	8
4.	B Phillips	2							1
5.	H Sutherland	3
6.	D Fudge	0
7.	J McDonnell	3	10	0	44	3	14.6	4.4
8.	I Dodson	3	10	1	34	2	17	3.4	1
9.	A Toft	17	5	0	30	1	30	6.0
10.	W Harrison	13	10	1	50	2	25	5.0
11.	P Lawrence	0*							1

23/08/08 - Abahani 314-2, Economicals 65

Oh dear...the less said about this the better. A Bank Holiday special team, with three debutants and two who hadn't played for a long time, was unlikely to be enough against the current leaders. And so it proved. On a very flat Berrylands pitch we didn't bowl that badly, but once again the ground fielding was atrocious, with only a few players being bothered to run and dive, and we dropped a few catches, allowing two blokes to get tons.

Batting was not good, especially when their opening bowler was "little more than a gentle medium pacer". Admittedly that quote is from cricinfo, describing a guy who played three tests for Bangladesh. He might have cleaned us up with a beautiful display of swing and seam bowling, but in tests against Zimbabwe, Sri Lanka and Pakistan he didn't manage to get any more test wickets than I or my Mum have. Debutant Don biffed him about much to the enjoyment of the crushed Comics, and Ratboy also brought whoops of delight as he brought up a batting point with some elegant swishing. Wides top scored with 20...

Special mention must go to Aasim. A duck on debut came on the back of an Imran-esque fielding display. After three dropped catches - none of which were hard - he had a final chance at redemption with a simple skier. It landed on his head.

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	0	10	0	85	0	-	8.5
2.	D Fudge	2
3.	G Read	1
4.	M Trehy	0
5.	A Bilswami	0
6.	R Haarhoff	4	8	0	44	1	44	5.6
7.	S Dada	4	10	0	65	0	-	6.5
8.	A Toft	0	5	0	41	0	-	8.2
9.	D Parish	15	5	0	42	1	42	8.4
10.	M Jalan	0	7	0	39	0	-	5.57	1
11.	P Lawrence	13*

30/08/08 - Putney 196, Economicals 136

The Comics lost again to all but seal relegation to division one. This was another game that could easily have been won, but for a couple of drops when in a winning position and the usual poor batting display, but in truth the better side won. Putney chose to bat but had no answer to Veitch's accuracy and swing. He removed the top three to catches behind and ended with 4-34, with most of the runs coming through the slips. Jacques bowled well with little luck at the other end, and at 20 overs we were doing nicely. Macca bowled well for the second game running, picking up the dangerous Brad (as opposed to our Brad, where the only danger comes if his fingernail is sharp). At 102-6 the win was on, but Ratboy bottled his chance to equal the league catches record by dropping his sixth chance, Arvind dropped a simple chance, and Putney got away. Tofty led the fight back though with a couple of pies, one that stuck safely in Brad's smelly hands, and a very gettable 196 was the result. Oh yeah and Macca took a catch, followed by a short delay as we waited for hell to thaw out.

However, the Comics haven't got 196 too many times this year, and Coops' poor form continued to leave an uphill task. Brad was once again unable to pull his finger out and make a score, disappointingly slapping straight to cover - particularly disappointing for Brad as he never got the chance to see the umpire raise his finger. Arvind threw his wicket away and that was that really. Straussy showed glimpses of form, and Jacques played well before getting a shocking decision, but once again the much-vaunted big bats in the lower order failed to deliver - the story of our season.

Double KFC followed, with Macca an over late and Arvind owing a bucket from a previous game. As the Comics licked their fingers clean (except Brad, who strangely was reluctant), talks turned to the close season transfer market. Coops plans to make a bid for crowd favourite BARRY, who was glimpsed from time to time poking his head out from the long grass, but it seems Putney are not keen to let him go at any price. Will he become the AJ Sports league's first million pound player? Will our chips turn up? Will Brad find the rectal g-spot? So many unanswered questions...

	Player	Score	Overs	Mdns	Runs	Wkts	Ave	Econ	Ct	Wk	St
1.	C Cooper	3
2.	A Vanthavasi	19							1
3.	B Phillips	0							1
4.	N Mahendran	4
5.	G Read	19
6.	M Veitch	1	10	2	34	4	8.5	3.4
7.	J Mostert	27	10	0	44	0	-	4.4
8.	I Dodson	18	9.5	0	51	1	51	5.2
9.	J McDonnell	9	10	0	40	3	13.3	4.0	1
10.	A Toft	8*	4	0	19	2	9.5	4.75
11.	P Lawrence	0							5

06/09/08 - Wandsworth v Economicals

The Comics' bottom-placed finished was confirmed after rain ruined the final game. Only ten overs of play were possible in a damp Chiswick. However, this is the Comics, and so there was enough time for Ratboy to drop a sitter, Coops to misfield and get covered in goose shit, and Macca to abuse one batsman and about six of his own side.

This allowed the Comics to do what they do best. Beers and pork scratchings at the ground, and then Coops, Brad, Will, Arvind and Baby Strauss hit the She Bu Walkabout. The two Englishmen loudly cheered on Murray, until they were told it was a racist chant in Australia, and the team continued with the earlier work of getting Straussy to bin his bird. Much snakebite followed, and then Coops rolled back the years by sweet-talking the shot girl, as the others took notes.

A picture paints a thousand words they say, and I think the season could be summed up by the sight around 9pm, as on a wet evening, in the middle of a busy street, five men huddled round a bucket of chicken, with Brad and Will still in their whites. The sound of leather on willow has now been replaced by the sound of slurping on a hot rod, and we wouldn't have it any other way. But will things change under new captain Duncan Fudge, soon to be installed by the mega-rich New Zealand consortium? Only time will tell...